Nicotine--poem

You burned me on your way out
scalding my veil of weakening flesh
permeating through to the parts of me that once were strong
yet all that’s strong now is this feeling I can’t ignore

I can’t see the fire
but its heat is blinding me to the truth and lies
my line of sight is your canvas for burn holes,
my world is your sauna for smoke

I inhaled and you filled my lungs with
poisoned breath
I’ve been choking on lust-struck air
unable to exhale you from my closing throat
you’re sticking to my memories and tarring my heart
with cravings for another drag

then another

of your lips to mine, sucking in sensation
seeing the trace of your fingertips against my skin
I can still taste you once you’ve gone out
once you’ve crumbled and I throw you away

I can’t get you out of my body
I can’t get you out of my dreams
I crave you when I wake in the morning—
even more when I’m writhing in my sea of bed-sheets
nauseous from your absence
and from taking you in the first place

I threw you out with my empties
of what I tried to take instead
nothing’s working,
I need to breathe you in
or find another who can replace this aggravating
disgusting
and delicious
habit
you’ve forced me to embrace
while your arms wrapped ‘round me
and I breathed you in

give me someone stronger
so I can let you go